Despite the bad weather Prime Minister Johnson is determined to carry on campaigning on the doorstep. The last UK Winter Election was in 1923 – so the forthcoming Election is quite a rare event.
Also unprecedented The Funny Books Blog has learnt Polling Stations will be serving Hot Chocolate to the elderly- as well as offering tips on how to stay warm.
Additionally the NHS will be be setting up a Hotline Telephone service in selected stations to give advice to people turning up to vote with Frostbite.
In yet another unusual move it has been suggested voters unable to grip the pencil to mark the voting form due to frozen fingers should grip the pencil in their mouths- “A cross is a cross no matter how it is made” a spokesperson said!
So “Let’s get the job done”
Pic above “Another familiar face on the campaign trail”
Thank you to the Colonel for this contribution.
Colonel Rage (Retired) Writes-
Greetings from the UK (formerly Great Britain!). On December 12th we are having a ‘General Referendum’ sorry chaps I mean ‘General Election’ of course, silly me. It amounts to the same thing, those who want to stay in the EU will vote tactically as will those who want to leave I should imagine. Resulting in who bally knows what! The battle lines are being drawn and the weaponry is prepared- if the innocent voter had any sense they would put on the old camouflage and head for the damned hills pronto. Personally I never have cared for the French & as for the Krauts and the other hangers on best shot of all of them I say-
Jumpin’ Jupiter after years of budget cuts, poor souls waiting on trolleys in A&E for hours on end, Bobbies on the beat as rare as the Mongolian Stag beetle, & a Social Care system based on the Bolivian Model. The major political parties are now having a spending bidding war “ My Budget is bigger than yours- so there”. It appears money is now cheap to borrow. Borrow chaps? Back in the day if we were a bit short of cash we would invade another country strip it of its assets and ship them back to the Motherland. Happy days
Of course climate change will be addressed in our new Utopian dream world -The weather has been been playing God Damned havoc with my Prize Marrows in recent years. The planet which is already shifting on its axis more than normal will be wobbling about like a jelly on a stick before long- Enough is enough!
The final solution
All this hippy dippy talk about Carbon Emissions saving the Rain Forests and a few Polar bears and all, doesn’t cut it with me. What is needed is a military approach- Hit it hard, nip it in the bud NOW!….
Elon Musk has a few ideas up his sleeve and Trump is waiting in the wings- Terra-forming is the new fangled idea I have in mind. A few strategically placed Nukes shot up into the old atmosphere and ‘Bobs your uncle- Once things have settled down a bit and the dust has cleared!
The Colonels Election Personnel Report-…IN/ OUT…..
Ok chaps I’ve devised this little chart to help you with your electoral (referendum mark 2) decision- We can assume that paradise is coming whoever wins……..
Nigel Farage -a good egg with a fine military bearing- Completely bonkers unfortunately ‘OUT’
Boris Johnson Top hole chap….would make a fine military man. Happy to sacrifice a few troops and not worry about civilian casualties to get the job done. ‘OUT’
Jeremy Corbyn – Once a Commie always a Commie………’IN/OUT WHO KNOWS’
Jo Swinson– Lacks the military muscle and the ‘The let them eat cake’ factor- ‘IN’
Nicola Sturgeon – Something fishy about this woman all round – Nicola Queen of Scots? Does she dream per chance of riding triumphant through the glens with the severed head of the next UK Prime Minister in one hand ? ‘OUT of everything’
Every man for themselves For Queen & Country Good luck & God Bless- See you on the other side?
FORWARD WIND…………June 6th 2020
‘The Daily Gazelle’ now the UK’s only National Newspaper.
‘Following the UK’s crash out of the European Union with NO Deal due to what can only be described as an almighty cock up all round! The severity of the ensuing economic crash has stunned most pundits! However the decision to turn the now disused Canary Wharf Tower into affordable apartments for the long term unemployed has pleased Homeless Charities. Ironically a lot of these people used to work there in better times!
In an unrelated story Mad Max Producers say they weren’t going to make another MM movie due to the cost, particularly of the special effects. On reflection “Filming in the now derelict streets of London seems like the perfect solution ” and therefore are now in talks to push the project forward. ‘
Jesus said “ Judge not lest you be judged” In the case of Brexit going belly up I can make an exception. We all know who to blame don’t we!
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